How would you describe fear?

Heart beats fast. Goosebumps. Intense awareness. Temporary paralysis. This is how I would describe fear. I don’t often have nightmares, but when I do… o_O

The last one was a few weeks ago. It was just your regular Friday night. I had been Netflixin’ and Chillin’… nothing scary. Just the Gilmore Girls, and there’s nothing scary about that. Well, except that one time Kirk made that electronic-weird-movie….  But I didn’t watch that episode that night. I’d decided to lights out early and whirled my way into Narnia or the places where dreams are made….

… I was running through a field with my Scottish white terrier Ollie, we playing and yapping. It was fun and happy. Then the dream turned and I was lying in my bed. But it wasn’t my bed. Then Ollie jumps out from behind me, bouncing from my stomach to a platform in my room. His paws against my belly felt so real. He’s done it a thousand times so I know what it feels like, and the pressure I felt would have left an impression. I rubbed my belly and looked up to see Ollie on two paws, pawing into thin air. He was pawing as if saying hello to an invisible man, and the next thing I know someone has got my leg, an invisible hand is clenched around my tiny ankle and is pulling me down the stairs Paranormal Activity style. I am screaming and Ollie has disappeared, and the next thing I know I’m lying curled up in my bed, alone.

…. But y’know what? The dream itself was not wear I felt the fear. The fear was when I woke up and realised I was awake, and alone. Without opening my eyes. I felt the darkness, the emptiness swarm around me. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move and I didn’t dare open my eyes. If I opened my eyes and saw something, that would make it real and I didn’t want it to be real. So kept my eyes shut and counted to ten, imagined sheeps in the field, forced myself to imagine anything and everything from what I was really thinking that night…

…This is what fear feels like.


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